I don’t have normal cats.

As if you didn’t know this.

Remember when I shared with you the joys of Landon’s red blanket humping? Well, I never did a follow-up to that and it’s about time I shared it now.

We put the red blanket away. And I thought the humping had stopped-apparently he was just in love with Red. However, in July, I would notice a black blanket-it was on the couch-in my bedroom whenever I came home from work. At first, I didn’t notice it. It was just one of those pick it up and put it away kind of things. Finally, one day I asked myself-why is this always in my bedroom when I come home? I realized that Landon was humping it-viciously too-I mean all the way from the living room to the bedroom.

Once we moved to the new condo, things stopped happening for a bit. Then I began to notice my pajama pants or Michael’s towel in the living room. Again-it took me a while to realize what was happening. I found it hilarious he wouldn’t do it when we were home. There was even a time that Michael and I were gone for no more than 15 minutes and he clearly had his way with my pj pants.

The best incident was with my red sarong. It has been behind our bedroom door since Hawaii, since I haven’t had time to wash it separately. One day, I came home to find this sarong VIOLENTLY wrapped around a pole in our house. Landon had his way with this thing. You can just see him biting it, wrapping it around the pole and humping: “take it bitch, you know you like it”. All the while Gray is licking her paws watching him “yeah” *lick, lick*. I can see Landon’s face go from lustful back to dumb when he is finished.

Now I have talked to a lot of people and done many Google searches, but I can not find anything about a fixed cat doing this. He doesn’t have balls and nothing comes out during these episodes. He doesn’t display other signs of a cat in heat, but he does do the things that cats who are mating do.

Last night, I heard Landon yowling (it can only be described as such), I tried to get him to come to bed, but he just kept yelling. I finally got up and saw him walking into the living room. In the dark, I though something was stuck to his leg. I WAS WRONG. He had my sweatpants in his mouth and was dragging them off to have his way with them. I grabbed them and threw them back on the floor by my bed. Then, he came back and snatched them. I grabbed them again and threw them in the closet and shut the door. He sat by the closet, yowling for his lost love or more accurately-sex.

Again I say:

I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO LIVE THIS WAY!