Dear Michael Patrick King,

I love you. Let’s just get that out of the way now. I really love you. You are an amazing writer. The episodes of Sex and the City (SATC) I love the most were all written by you. I hear a line from the episode and I can tell you which episode, season and story line, BUT I can also tell you what YOU said in the DVD commentary.

I am not sure what I expected from this movie. I certainly felt it would be different from the show (and it was), but what I didn’t expect was a whole different. . . .everything.

First of all, thank you for ending the show so wonderfully, so perfectly. What a GREAT idea it was to rip it apart, spit on it and lamely try to band-aid it back together at the end. My biggest fear going to see this movie was that every good thing I felt about the series would be ruined. I was right.

Anyone who has watched the show will hardly recognize who the characters have become. Miranda even says to Steve in the movie “I changed who I was for you”. And they all have changed-for men. To be fair, Charlotte hasn’t changed too much. I mean, she was hardly even in the movie. In fact, it seemed that you just barely found room for her. Samantha gave up her whole life to stay at home and wait for a man. In what world was that ever likely to happen?

And Carrie. Oh Carrie. I have always loved her and Big. We all have a Big. She does belong with Big. But the Carrie that left Big high and dry on vacation because he couldn’t say she was “the one”, THAT Carrie? She would never, EVER go back to Big after he left her on the day of her wedding.

Oh and I was wondering . . .wasn’t this show based on the girls and their friendships? What happened to those? Why did we waste so much time on Carrie hanging out with her assistant? B-O-R-I-N-G! We didn’t wait four years (and an hour in line) to see her bond with a new girl. Most of their time spent together was cheesy montages and stupid jokes.

Worst of all: For a movie called SEX and the City, there sure wasn’t a lot of sex. I mean, at one point, Samantha and Smith were having sex that was clearly fake and covered in a sheet. Samantha.

My point? I get the awesome lure of making this movie. But Mr. Michael Patrick King? I expected more from you.

Sincerely,
Jeni

P.S. If you wrote this movie for the girl who has never seen an episode of the show-then well done! It’s a great flick. But you should have warned the millions of us who HAVE see the show.

P.P.S You’re telling me that Carrie is the successful author of 3 books, buys and sells apartments, owns hundreds of $400+ shoes, but she can’t afford a new phone and runs around with DUCT tape holding her phone together? She isn’t my fucking grampa! And by the way, don’t try to sell me that she has had that phone for 4 years. I have seen the last episode-that is NOT the same phone. Please. That is the equivalent of her running around town in a scrunchie. A SCRUNCHIE!