Parents. But today, specifically, fathers. As a girl, my relationship with my father is HUGE. I think every girl has father issues-even if it’s your father was perfect and now no man will ever measure up.
My relationship with my dad didn’t really start until I graduated High School. I have spent the last 10 years trying to be perfect so that I never lose him again. Clearly I still have a few things to work out. Although, we did work on some of it back during the Great Thanksgiving Disaster of 2008.
Now, first, let be me clear, I may have half-siblings, but never once in my life have I felt they are not part of my heart and soul-FULLY. Never once has it made me feel even a little differently about them. I DO, however, have some feelings about each of their fathers.
Jim is Dawn’s dad. He raised her. He provided for her, nurtured her and she was HIS daughter. Jim was one of Dawn’s soul mate’s. I have lightly touched on Jim here and there on this blog, but there are no words I can use to paint a picture of the man Jim was. His kindness lives on. I didn’t grow up with him, but in the time I got to know him, he taught me so much. He is missed every day.
On the other end of the spectrum, there is Edward’s father. Joe and I got to know him better than Ed ever did, which is a tragedy in and of itself. I remember not liking him for the longest time because I was sick of our mom dating. This was, like, the 4th “dad” to come into the picture. I also remember he got a reprieve from my little Jeni hatred when I found out he was giving me a little brother. I suddenly liked him. This didn’t last long, as he committed a sin, that I can never, ever forgive. He hurt my family. He hurt my mom, he hurt me, he hurt Joe and most of all, he hurt Ed. He has hurt Ed over and over and over again. Luckily he stopped making promises he can’t keep years ago.
Ed just turned 18 and today my mom had to go to court to request his father continue to pay child support until Ed graduates AND that he either pay his back child support (+ interest) in one lump sum or in continuing monthly payments. My mother was shocked when the man SHOWED UP. He hasn’t ever shown up to one of these things.
He gave her the usual speech of how sorry he was and how many mistakes he has made. He then asked to see Ed.
The fact that it has thrown me for such a loop and made me sick to my stomach might give you a fraction of an idea how Ed must feel.
I want Ed to make the decision himself, but I also know he he desperate to know what we think. I have a hard enough time making big decisions and I am 10 years older. The only thing I know is I don’t want Ed to be hurt again. Maybe his dad has changed, maybe he is really sorry and maybe he wants a relationship with his son. Maybe he is a fucking liar. All I know is Ed has spent many years being hurt by this man and I’ll be damned if he does it again.
I was there when he took his first steps. Joe has been to every performance he has ever been in. I have helped him with his homework-EVEN when I’ve been thousands of miles away. My mom has pinched and scraped to send him to the great school he goes to. We have loved that child more than that man can ever imagine. We have loved him since he was born and we will always love him-no matter what. That man will NEVER be able to say the same.
I am not saying Ed shouldn’t see him. Meeting him (yes, meeting-he hasn’t seen Ed since he was 2) might be an amazing thing for Ed. If it is, I support it 110%.
Because THAT? THAT is what good parents do.
