I feel so angry lately. I can’t shake it.

I’m angry at my parents. I am tired of being the parent. I know we are all older and we should be taking care of ourselves. Maybe I’m just stupid to think that you should act like fucking parents and not our friend; and not even the good kind of friend that tells you the hard truth no matter what, but the shitty kind of friend that is so desparate for a friend that they only tell you what you want to hear. Grow up. You’re fucking daughter is telling you to grow up.  And people wonder why I don’t want kids.

I am angry at Joe. He created this. And I am suffereing. Constantly. Every day is a battle with my sanity. This weekend I tried to work on my Ed Graduation video and I couldn’t make it through. Watching the footage of Joe was more than I could bear. It’s not likely that I will ever make that video.

I am angry at Dawn. For nothing. I’m angry she gets to spend a week in MN. I am angry that they planned a trip and waited until after it was planned to see if Joe and I could go, instead of including us in the planning so that we could have maybe picked a time that would have worked. I’m angry that this is what happened instead of us all getting together at Thanksgiving WHICH WAS HER IDEA. Given the current circumstances, however, I guess it’s better this way. I doubt there are any family events in our future.

I’m angry at this job. That I have to be here everyone doing something I HATE. Everyday I hate it more. I spend the entire day clenched in anger. It’s not a surprise that by the time I get home I can barely muster the energy to watch TV.

I am angry at me. Why am I ALWAYS in a “feud” with someone? I’m not stupid, Iam the common demoninator. I have worked so hard recently to clear and fix relationships and to be here again is soul crushing. I don’t like drama in my life, but I always have some. That means it’s me. I do this. I create it. And I have no idea how to fix it, how to fix me. I am so tired of feeling broken.

I’m tired of feeling angry.