Tonight, I decided I was done. I can’t take it anymore. I am going to issue an ultimatum. Grow-up, call me back and talk to me or else.
Or else I’m done. You will no longer exist to me. I will never ask about you again. When I talk to Dawn or Ed, I won’t ask how you are or what you’ve been doing. I will no longer go to family events if I know you’re going to be there. I will pretend that I never loved you more than anyone else on this earth.
I will stop torturing myself. I won’t take showers at night, listening to Switchfoot with tears streaming down my face. I won’t stay up until 2 AM watching A Walk to Remember or our favorite The State sketches. I won’t check my blackberry messenger 10 times a day in hopes that I just didn’t hear the special ding of you sending me a BBM.
If you can live with yourself, then that is what you will have to do. Live with the fact that you hurt me more than I ever thought I could be hurt. Live with the fact that you have not only ruined our relationship, but my relationship with our parents. Live with the fact that my boyfriend broke down crying yesterday because HE is stressed and HE needs someone to talk to, but didn’t want to make me any sadder than I have already been, so he’s just stuffed his feelings aside until he exploded. If you can live with yourself knowing that you caused all that, then by all means. . .
I won’t care anymore. If you don’t call me back now, please know that I never want you to ever call me again. Because I don’t care and can’t care anymore.
I wanted to call and leave you that message tonight. I didn’t.
I know better than to make a promise I can’t keep.
