I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I’m movin’ on-Rascal Flatts

Last week, I decided I was done.

It’s time for me to get over Joe. I know he’s my brother and I can never fully have him out of my life, but I need to move on. It’s been too long. I have spent the last 3+ months in misery. My sadness has perforated my friends, my family, my relationship with Michael-my whole life. I have days where I’ve had to leave work in the middle of the day because it’s been too much. I’ve had days where I haven’t been able to stop crying. I’ve had fights with Michael because I can’t pull it together.

Not anymore.

I’ve decided it’s time to get over it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve done everything I can to try to fix it. I can walk away OK with that.

Since I’ve made that decision, I’ve felt lighter. It’s not weighing on me anymore. This is partly because I’ve come to realize that Joe is [now] not a person I know or would ever like to know. He isn’t the same person I once loved. That person is gone.

I don’t expect it to be easy all the time. I may still have my moments. But for now, I am moving on. Ed is coming to live here this week. I want to re-claim my life.

I want to be happy.