Dear Today,
Fuck you. No, really. You can fuck off and die. Is that too harsh? I really don’t think so.
Today, I woke up in a good mood. I might be tempted to say GREAT mood. But, if I did that, it would just tempt YOU into shitting all over it. You don’t have to lie, I know I’m right.
Was it necessary for my blow dryer (not more than a year old) to break when my hair is half wet and totally frizzy? Did you find it HILARIOUS that the people at Starbucks forgot to make my sandwhich, but by then I was running late, so I left without it and now I am starving? Oh! Here’s a good one: I couldn’t avoid a branch in the road, so, when I drove over it, I heard it scrape the bottom of my NEW car. Also? That bump made my coffee spill all over the inside of my NEW car. It must have been just the BEST when I saw the huge blue stain on my white shirt. The white shirt I washed yesterday and was pristine when I left the house. And when I sat down at my desk (oh yes, all of this happened before 9 AM-so awesome) my mouse mysteriously no longer worked and my space heater was broken. High-five! You today, are PRICELESS.
And you know what? I decided that since you suck, I’m not going to be upset. I’m not going to be cranky and I’m not going to be mean. I will KILL you with kindness, even if you try to kill me first. I was presented with an opportunity to help a friend and all the fun and joy that comes with it easily overpowers anything you can throw at me.
So there. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Love,
Jeni Angel
Ha, you tell it! So high and mighty with all the weight of a Monday behind it.
Although you remind me of my dilemma as to whether I should buy a new hair dryer to prepare for when mine craps out on me. I have had it for, like, ten years. If you shake it, something inside rattles. And if the room temperature is too cold, when you turn it on it makes an awful screeching noise, which goes away when you turn it off and then on again. It’s like it’s warning me to be ready. If I had to go to work with my hair wet I might get fired for utter indecency to human sight, so I wonder if I should have a backup plan. Just in case.
That’s the spirit!
I cannot begin to express my gratitude for the “friend helping” you did today. I am absolutely overwhelmed that you would take precious time out of your day (no matter how sucky it started….) to help improve my ridiculous mood.
Thank you, Jeni. Not just for the comments and support along the way, but for bothering enough to read, and to care.
And sorry about the last minute mix up!
Days like that suck! I’m glad you were able to turn it around.
My blowdriers never last more than a year…ever. You think I’d get smart at some point and buy a backup at say 6 months, just to be safe, but no…once a year like clockwork is goes bad and I end up with horrible hair one morning becaue it died halfway through.