I was never one of those little girls that dressed up and played wedding. My barbies always had boyfriends, never husbands. I never looked at wedding dresses or flowers and fantasised about what it would be like the day I got married. Never did I do any of these things.
That’s not to say that I had a different fantasy. I didn’t. I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what I dreamt my life would be like when I was an adult and I can’t think of anything. I am terrified of what that says about me. It’s no surprise that 6 years after moving to Seattle, I am still doing a job I basically fell into. It’s no surprise that I haven’t the faintest idea what I really want to do with my life. Something that would make me excited about my job and proud of myself. No clue.
That’s all a story for another day, though. No, what I am really thinking about is that whole marriage gene that is missing. Aimee wrote a post about her list for a life partner and it got me thinking about Michael.
He’s one of those people that, if, someone who knows me well met him, just out in the world, they would never think to themselves “Hey! That guy is perfect for Jeni”. However, once they meet him, with me and see us, together, they all say “He is exactly the right person for you”.
And he is. He is the right person for me. I never wrote a list, like Aimee. I never imagined a husband, what he would look like or how he would act. Honestly, I didn’t even really like Michael when we first met. In fact, I avoided him the first 6 months I knew him.
He won me over though. And it’s funny because, I may not have ever imagined a future husband or life partner, but I can’t imagine what my life was like before him. We’ve had a very, very rough road. It amazes me that we have ended up here. Together.
He is one of the only people on this earth that I want to be around all the time. He can calm me like no other. He makes me laugh. Just the other night, we were on the couch, watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, and for about an hour and a half, I laughed so much and so hard. I can’t even remember the last time life was that good.
Michael and I will never get married, (Well, I guess I can’t say never, cause, I mean, who knows? But we certainly have no plans to ever get married) but our life is a partnership. We have built a home and a [gray cat] family and our life is a life we both love. Sure, we have moments. Dark and scary and ugly moments, but I believe in us both to not walk away.
I may not know what I want to be when I grow up. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. There are so many things that are wrong in my life. Relationships and personal, emotional and physical, issues. There are things I need to change about me. But knowing that I have Michael, who will be there to support me, help and protect me?
At this point, that certainty and that love, it’s enough for me.
That’s beautiful. I’ve always admired you for knowing what you want even without having pre-defined it, and without the influences of the world telling you what you SHOULD want. I’m glad you can always see the happiness in your love regardless of whatever else is going on in your life.
I was exactly the same way growing up. Never thought about the fairytale wedding or the dress or even the groom. And my boyfriend now is someone I would have never thought I’d end up with. This is a lovely post I truly identify with.
It sounds like you guys have a wonderful love. I am thankful you have that. I wish I could bottle it up and give if as presents to friends that don’t know it. Beautiful post.
I love Curb too. Its been a great season.
That was heart warming to read, Jeni. I think that sometimes the greatest and happiest things in life are those that come without being planned.
Michael has such a warm heart. I know that when I worked with him and would be having a tough day, he would always listen, give me a great hug, and my day would turn around. You are very lucky to have such an amazing guy in your life.
This is so sweet. Happy happy joy joy for sure. It makes me hopeful