If I were a month I’d be September

If I were a day I’d be Sunday

If I were a time of day I’d be 9pm

If I were a font I’d be Enviro

If I were a sea animal I’d be a sea turtle

If I were a direction I’d be Northwest

If I were a piece of furniture I’d be a La-Z-boy

If I were a liquid I’d be vodka

If I were a gemstone I’d be a sapphire

If I were a tree I’d be a Weeping Willow

If I were a tool I’d be a screwdriver

If I were a flower I’d be the Flower of Life

If I were an element of weather I’d be storm cloud

If I were a musical instrument I’d be a guitar

If I were a color I’d be indigo

If I were an emotion I’d be stubborn

If I were a fruit I’d be a blueberry

If I were a sound I’d be a sigh

If I were an element I’d be carbon

If I were a car I’d be my neon.

If I were a food I’d be toffee

If I were a place I’d be home

If I were a material I’d be cotton

If I were a taste I’d be Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch

If I were a scent I’d be lavender

If I were a body part I’d be a hand

If I were a song I’d be The Good That Won’t Come Out by Rilo Kiley

If I were a bird I’d be a Gray Catbird (naturally)

If I were a gift I’d be big, expensive and sparkly

If I were a city I’d be San Francisco

If I were a door I’d be open

If I were a pair of shoes I’d be Louboutins

If I were a poem I’d be Lost By Jewel

Lost
is a puzzle
of stars
that breathes
like water
and chews
like stone

Alone
is a reminder
of how far
acceptance
is from
understanding

Fear
is a bird
that believes itself
into extinction

Desperation
the honest recognition
of a false truth

Hope
seeing who you really are
at your highest
is who you will become

Grace
the refinement of a
Soul through time

So, the movies I saw:

(500) Days Of Summer: I really loved this move. Joseph Gordon Levitt is just a delight. Even the cheesy music montage in the middle of the film touched my feeling.
Away We Go: Love, love, love. There wasn’t one thing about this movie I disliked. And the score gave me Alexi Murdoch, so you can’t go wrong there.
The Blind Side: We saw this Christmas Eve with my dad and Audrey. It was their pick. I will admit, though, it was a good movie and I am glad I saw it. But I didn’t cry. My heart of stone endures.
Brothers: It was OK. I didn’t exactly like the ending. The cast was awesome, though. They all did a spectacular job.
Bruno: So not as funny as it should have been.
Duplicity: It was cute, I guess. I got bored watching it, though. Sometimes, Clive Owen can go wrong.
Funny People: I will admit, I love anything Judd Apatow does. This movie was fantastic. It’s hilarious, dark, dramatic and so, so interesting. Loved every long, long minute of it.
The Hangover: Michael didn’t want to see this movie. However, we ended up seeing it 5 times in the theater. It was beyond hilarious. I will never forget that night Michael, Heidi and I saw it for the first time. We left that theater sore from laughter.
Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince: Well, the movie was well done. I was, however, disappointed with 2 things: 1) they put in an extra scene that served no damn purpose and then 2) they did not give Dumbeldore a proper funeral. Otherwise, it’s one of the best Harry Potter movies.
He’s Just Not That Into You: Heidi forced me to watch this. And I am sad I did. Despite it’s all star cast, the premise made me want to kill myself. No one I know acts like these people.
I Love You, Man: Hilar. Just so funny and delightful.
Love Happens: Yeah. This movie, is a trick. On a couple of levels. FYI: NOT a romantic comedy. Or a romantic drama. I left the theater wanting to stick my head in the oven. Dawn has been warned she isn’t allowed to see it. The other fraud is, that not matter how many aerial shots of Seattle you have, this was not filmed here in Seattle.
My Sister’s Keeper: Loved the book. The movie sucked. And they changed the ending. And Cameron Diaz tried way too hard.
New Moon: Ed and I got drunk. I barely recall that afternoon of humiliation.
Observe And Report: Oh Seth Rogen, how I love you. Also, filmed in Albuquerque, so I loved that. Totally dark and I loved it.
Paper Heart: Good movie. I was bothered that I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t.
The Proposal: I was surprised I didn’t hate this movie. It was cute and even though the ending kind of angered me, I liked it.
Sherlock Holmes: The last movie of 2009 I saw. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law can’t be wrong. About half way through, I thought “This is NOT what I signed up for”, but, in the end, it was perfection.
Up in the Air: I also saw this with my dad and Audrey. Hilarious, since the main character could be my dad. Loved it. This movie was just so well done.
Where The Wild Things Are: Well. The visuals we amazing. The kid was awesome. We were bored to tears.

There were a few movies I missed. Movies I plan on seeing ASAP.

Adam
An Education
A Single Man
Humpday
The Invention of Lying
Management
Wendy and Lucy

Bring it on, 2010!

I LOVE this video. It’s done so well.

So, here is one of my secrets:

My biggest fear is that no one will ever love me the way Joe did and I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. Because without him, no matter who else I have, I am alone.

When times get tough, I think people spend a lot of time thinking about the road not traveled. The life you might have had always looks easier when you have no idea what trials and tribulations you might have endured. It’s not to say you regret what you have chosen, just that in the present’s harsh reality, that other life looks mighty tempting.

When I was given the chance, I gave up everything to move to Seattle. I was living in Connecticut, I was in school (with only a year and a half until I was done), I had two jobs I LOVED and, after 2 years, I was finally starting to feel at home. Not to say it was all rainbows. I had just broken up with my first really real boyfriend, I kind of hated school and I didn’t have very many friends. However, I was riding high at work-I had just done my first children’s play with the after-school program I worked with and it was a HUGE success. I was offered a Saturday drama class and, when school started again, I was going to travel to different schools and do weekly acting workshops with the kids. Oh, and I was going to do another children’s play. It was exactly what I wanted to do, career-wise. I would have been happy doing that forever.

But then-then-I was offered Seattle on a silver platter. I had always wanted to live here and my dad said he would pay for me to move across country, help me find and pay for an apartment and support me until I got on my feet. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

So, it’s times like now, when I hate my job, but make too much money to leave, when my brother hasn’t spoken to me in six months with no end in sight and when I am not going home for Christmas for the third year in a row, when I begin to think what my life would have been like if I had stayed there in Connecticut.

It all seems so tempting.

I don’t spend too much time on the subject, though. Honestly, I don’t regret my decision. Despite all the hard things in my life, there are so many wonderful things: going to awesome concerts with amazing people, my patient boyfriend, my brother living near me, my kick-ass condo, more than enough income, my hilarious sister, my dad coming to visit for Christmas, my friends Heidi and Tim, my nephews (who make every breath worth taking) and a life so many would love to have.

See, there is no way I could regret that decision. Nothing could be better than this.

I LOVE concerts. I love them. I go to between 10 and 15 concerts a year. For me, nothing is better than live music. Most of the music I listen to is just that much better live.

I generally force Heidi to go to concerts with me. Not to say she doesn’t like the artist or doesn’t want to go, it’s just that I buy tickets and tell her when to show up. Heidi always has fun. But, the thing is, Heidi actually likes mainstream music. I know, don’t judge her too harshly. Actually, don’t judge me too harshly. I’m just mean and like what I like and I firmly believe that 99% of mainstream music is audio rape.

So, since Heidi always (happily) goes to my shows with me, I decided to throw her a bone. I bought her tickets to Colbie Caillat. Now, don’t get me wrong. Colbie Caillat is a perfectly nice girl with a beautiful voice. She just doesn’t do it for me. Her music doesn’t speak to me. That’s OK. Everyone likes different music.

Last night was the Colbie Caillat concert and it just reminded me of everything that’s wrong with concert goers these days.

Riddle me this: Why do people pay good money to see a performer, then LEAVE 40 minutes into their set. Is it suddenly a surprise that you’re not in bed at 10 PM on a Wednesday night? Are you THAT concerned about traffic home? I just can’t wrap my head around it. When I go to a concert, I go to a concert. That means standing and singing and dancing and clapping and screaming for an encore and watching the fucking encore. I don’t leave early to skip waiting 30 minutes to get out of a parking lot. That’s part of the experience.Heidi and I showed up about 15 minutes before Colbie Caillat went on and we were pretty far back. By the encore, we were almost to the front.

Don’t even get me started on the people who just stand there looking bored out of their mind. Why are they at the concert? These are the same people that cover their ears and roll their eyes when people cheer at the end of a song. They never sing, but they take a bunch of pictures. Lookie here, if the concert is really that annoying to you, go look up pictures of the artist on Google. I am sure the quality will be 10 times better than your camera phone. And you won’t have to put up with all these people who are enjoying themselves.

Of course, as I looked around at Colbie Caillat’s fans (mostly soccer moms, tweens and couples in their 50s), I had to wonder: When will I be too old for concerts? When will I want to leave early cause it’s 10 PM on a Wednesday night. WHEN SHOULD I JUST KILL MYSELF?!!?

Hopefully not any time soon.

I have a few more concerts to go to this year.

For awhile, I have wanted to have a  family website. I didn’t want it to be a blog, per se. I wanted everyone in our family to have the ability to contribute. BUT, I knew if that was to be the case, it had to be EASY. Like, not just easy, but easier than sleeping. I mean, I knew if it was too complicated (i.e. having to log-in or send a friend request or anything that required me to literally show them, multiple times, how to do it) no one would do it.

Enter Posterous. This is PERFECT. You never have to log-in. Not even to see what people are posting to your site. All the posts can be emailed to you and you can email all the posts in. If you send in a link to a You Tube video, it will automatically embed it for you. If you send in 10 pics from your vacation, it will create a gallery for you. If you send in an mp3, it will convert and embed for you. All through email. You can even reply and comment through email. EASY. It couldn’t be easier. I KNOW everyone in my family checks their email at least once a day (even my grandma). It seemed perfect.

I told Dawn “This will either be my greatest achievement or an epic fail”

The jury may still be out.

I sent an email to the family (there are a good number of us) and explained the idea and how easy the site was. I got a few favorable responses. Then? Then I got hit over the head with a frying pan.

I named the site GNN. It seemed fitting. We have used that word for years (no, seriously, like probably 6 or 7 years) to describe family news. “What’s the latest GNN?” = “What’s up with everyone? Anything new I should know about”. Hell, GNN is one of my categories on this blog. I generally use it in posts that have news of some sort, especially about family. From my perspective, it’s always been a positive thing.

Apparently, my grandma wouldn’t agree. She has taken it (again, for 6 or 7 years) to mean Grandma News Network and that it’s only gossip. Meaning, we think she is the queen of Gossip. Now, I don’t want to debate the veracity of that statement, but I’m not gonna lie: our family DOES do its fair share of gossiping. Honestly, it’s netiher here nor there. The crux of the problem is that for 6 or 7 years, we’ve been saying something that has hurt my grandma.

Suffice to say, my sister and I were horrified. We, along with my dad, pretty much coined the term and use it liberally. FOR SEVEN YEARS. We’ve been hurting my grandma and building resentment for seven years. I felt like the most horrible person on earth.

BUT I was mad too. Because, apparently, Grandma has told EVERYONE except us (meaning my dad’s branch of the family) that she hates this term. So, for seven year, everyone knows she hates it, yet we use it in conversation-especially when family is together-ALL THE TIME. We have looked like the biggest, most insensitive assholes for years.

I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t say anything to us. At least to my dad, who could have trickled the information down the pipe. OR, for that matter, why didn’t my aunt or uncle or cousin say something? We’ve used that term around them plenty of times when my grandma wasn’t even there. A simple “hey, you should know, Grandma hates when you guys say that” would have been appropriate. No. They couldn’t do that.

Why? Because it was better for them to be the kind, understanding ones whilst we are the mean, assholes. I’m not joking. There has been animosity towards my dad’s branch of the family ever since I knew what the word animosity meant. Why, it was only a few years ago that, while planning for a huge family camping trip for my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, that an ugly letter went around complaining about certain people in the family. The outcome? The trip was canceled by my grandfather. AND THEN, a few weeks later, all the people that were supposed to go on this camping trip, MINUS my dad’s branch, went camping together. One big happy family.

I don’t understand the resentment. I don’t know what we did. All I know is that, as the years go on, my delusion that we are the best family ever invented has slowly faded away. I know who I can trust, I know who really loves me and I know who will stab me in the back for a kind word.

Is it the way it should be? No. But it’s the way it is. All part of growing up, I guess.

Instead, I bring you my favorite depression cure: online shopping.

Actually, this is SO bad. I do WAY too much online shopping. My only defense is that I return about 60% of the clothes I buy online. Of course, when it comes to make-up or shoes, I rarely make a return.

Here are a couple of outfits I bought:

For some reason, I am WAY into dresses lately. It’s totally weird.

And that’s it. I may be going to the poor house, but at least I’ll look cute.

This skill has served me well the last few years, especially at my job. I always knew what was happening before anyone else. Sometimes, Michael would come home and find out all of these things that happened at his office that day-things that pertained to him! Even after I left last November, I have been kept in the loop.

In my little community, I don’t have many neighbors I like. Most of them are old busybodies who like to stick their nose in your business. Luckily, my neighbors directly to each side of me are AWESOME. One of them left her job earlier this year and has been enjoying an extended “funemployment” (as I’ve heard LSL call it). We got to talking a few weeks ago and I made some suggestions about her going into a similar position that I am in. I told her I would put the word out.

Well, lo and behold, not more than a week later, I got a bite. It’s actually kind of strange, because it’s in my old office, with all my old co-workers AND she’d be sitting in my exact old office and desk. To be honest, I am a tad jealous. But not really. I found out she started today and I am BEYOND thrilled! In fact, I was feeling annoyed all morning, but upon hearing that news, my day just turned around!

Honestly, I love helping people find jobs. Which means I might make a good recruiter, but the recruiters I have met in the past when hiring have always left a bad taste in my mouth. I worked with at least 4 different local companies and they were all too un-professional and dis-organized for my taste. I could never see myself working there.

The search continues.

In anticipation of Michael leaving for 10 days on Friday (in which I will feel lonely and sad), I decided I need to write some positive things on here. Sometimes you just need a reminder.

1. The Grays. I think people who decide not to have children usually have a weird, parent/child-like love for their pets. I would be LOST without those cats. Everyday they make me laugh. Many days they make me scream. Either way, I love them more than most humans.
2. My sister. She sent me the BEST card the other day. Our daily IMs are the funniest thing you’ll ever read. I HATE when she isn’t around to chat. I know I can count on her-even if it’s only to say “Jeni, you are always right”
3. Heidi. Heidi and I are magically delicious. I think Michael probably hates being around us, because most of the time we talk in secret code and laugh at ourselves endlessly.
4. Michael. That man just knows how to deal with me-and I think he kind of likes it. We have our moments, of course. Ed thinks we bicker too much. I think our bickering is cute.
5. Air conditioning. It’s fucking hot here in Seattle. In fact, it’s even been humid. I have air conditioning. Michael and I installed 2 units when we did the big condo remodel. Yesterday, when I got home from work, it was FREEZING in our condo! What? Too much? Crossed the line into mean? Sorry. Kind of.
6. My car. My beautiful little Neon is getting old. Just a couple weeks ago, it finally hit 100,000 miles. I wish I had a picture, but Michael forgot and he was driving (I may or may not have been drunk). 9 years and counting! As much as I’d love a new Prius, I would NOT love a new Prius car payment. Plus, It would be rough to lose all my bumper stickers. In fact, when Ed and I were going to No Doubt, we were stuck on long lines of traffic and got much attention from cute boys for our stickers. One of them even made a sign that said “I <3 your bumper stickers”. I immediately tried to arrange a marriage.

And that’s all I got. Yes, I do have MANY other things to be thankful for, but I might actually have to do work or something.

Harry Potter was well done, with only a few things that really bothered me as far as translation from book to movie goes. We embarrassed Tim after the movie when we stood around outside of the theater arguing these points amongst ourselves. Yes, I have become a total Harry Potter nerd and I accept it.

On Sunday we made plans to go with Heidi to see (500) days of Summer, but since we were so tired and she had just run a triathlon, we decided to just hang out at the house vs. rushing around to make the movie. Afterward, we headed to No Doubt. A little tip for anyone going to the White River Ampitheatre: BUY THE VIP PARKING! It was the best $30 I have ever spent. I could have cared less about the opening acts and so we didn’t rush to get there right as doors opened (it helped that we had actual seats instead of lawn seating). We leisurely drove out to the middle of nowhere and headed to VIP parking. Not only is VIP parking paved, but it was barely a minute walk to the entrance gate. Once we got there, we peed and found out seats. We hardly had a wait for No Doubt. They were incredible. The show was beautifully done, visually stunning and the band has never sounded better. I was never a fan of Gwen Stefani as Gwen Stefani, but Gwen Stefani as lead singer of No Doubt was fantastic! They played every song you could hope to hear.

Actually, there was this beautiful moment: For the most part, this show is choreographed to the T. I’m OK with that. It’s not how most concerts I enjoy go, but I think there is definitely a place for that; just look at Madonna or Kylie Minogue. They were singing “Simple Kind of Life” and there is a line in that song that says “I always thought I’d be a mom“. Now, we, of course, know that Gwen is, in fact, a mom. Her youngest was born not too long ago (not that you can tell by looking at her abs). When she sang that line, a bunch of people cheered and you could see the look on her face go from a “performance” face to a “Yes, I am a mom and it’s awesome” face. It was brief, fleeting moment, but my favorite of the show. I like to see people be real and be affected by real things-especially when it’s spontaneous, unexpected and completely genuine.

In any case, after the amazing show, we headed back to our car (again, barely a walk) and found out that VIP parkers get preferential exit from the grounds. So while some people were barely making it back to their cars, we were half way home! Again, VIP parking, I totally recommend it.

On Monday and Tuesday, Ed and I attended his summer orientation. Whew! They try to cram a lot of info in, but it was really good. I learned a lot and Ed is so excited to go there. Just a couple more months and my little brother will live in the same city as me! It’s one of my dreams I never thought would come true!

As far as my other brother goes . . . each day is a battle. We’ve spent so much of our life creating this whole world and it’s really hard to let it go. Yesterday I was in a perfectly good and happy mood. Michael came home, I made dinner and we were watching a bit of Seinfeld (I hardly watch new TV, I am all about the shows from the good ole days). It was the episode where Jerry says that, instead of “God Bless You”, you should say “You are so good lookin’”. And then I was done. Joe always said that. I was sad and sulky the rest of the night. Michael declared I couldn’t watch anything that reminded me of Joe anymore. Ha! Good Luck with that. I’d like to see him find something.

A week from tomorrow, Michael leaves for 10 days. It will be interesting to see what happens.