Her favorite place to sit

Did you ever wonder why I named my blog “Gray?”? When I lived with my dad, The Gray would run into a room while making a tinkling little chirp. After awhile, whenever we said “Gray?” someone would imitate that sound. I still do that now (much to my friend’s embarrassment). I am not 100% sure why I settled on that for a blog name. Probably because it always made me smile.

Today I had to put down my best friend of 15+ years. Stormi Witch Renfro is what I named her, but she ended up being known as “The Gray”. She has been with me through all the hardest parts of my life. I got her when I had just started high school, so you know that’s true. Together we moved to Connecticut, then Seattle (by way of Minnesota for her) and 4 different homes once we got there. To be honest, I am happy she won’t have to suffer through another move since she hated moving almost as much as me.

It’s funny how similar to me she is. She is the perfect example of pets looking like their owner or vice versa. We didn’t look the same, per se (I think we had similar eyes), but our personalities were a spot on match. Hard, tough exterior, but a ball of love to the right person.

I loved that cat. Loved, loved loved. I am a crazy cat lady. My world revolves around the cats. The furniture in the house is arranged to the cats. My life and when I am supposed to be home each night is based on them eating. I have not gone on trips with friends because it would be too hard on my cats. And I am fine with that. The may be “bad” and lazy, but they give me so much happiness.

I knew this day was going to come. In fact, I knew yesterday that something wasn’t right and this may be it. And it was peaceful. And I got to hold her. And she actually felt calm (vs. how she normally acts at the vet). And I know deep down I made the right choice.

I always forget that the right choice, so often, doesn’t feel very good.

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One time, during the time we were remodeling, my alarm went off, as usual, and, as usual, Gray came and snuggled right into the crook of my arm for morning love. I pet her and kissed her (and almost fell back asleep). When I finally got up and went into the bathroom, I saw that my lips were completely black.I touched them and some of the black came off on my fingertips. I started freaking out. How in the hell were my lips black? I was fucking sleeping. So, I make Michael get up to exam me.

He does and is just as perplexed as I am. He gets a wet cloth and washes it off. He asks how I am feeling. Fine. We are puzzled. Finally, I get in the shower because, what else am I going to do?

As I am getting dressed, Gray comes over and wants to play. I start to wrastle with her and soon realize the palm of my hand is black. I pick her up and Michael and I exam her. Now the black is coming from her. Once again, no idea what is going on or why. I have to get to work, so Michael agrees to bathe her.

Later that evening, I get home, still baffled by the black stuff. Landon comes over for love right away, but Gray is no where to be found. Thinking she is still mad about her morning bath, I look for her in all her warm spots. Not there. As I am wont to do, I begin to panic. I have no idea where she is. I begin to call her, begging her to come out.

Suddenly, I hear some movement. It sounds like metal clanging against itself. I look over just in time to see The Gray crawling out of the wood stove. Apparently, that was her new hangout. Since we were still remodeling, we hadn’t gotten to cleaning out the stove yet. So, all the black was soot.

Yeah. That’s how the Gray cat rolled.

Of course, mommy? Mommy made her take another bath.

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Remember how I said basically said that Michael and Heidi were the only people that could ever make me feel happy on my birthday? Yeah, well, Michael and Heidi are the only people who didn’t even acknowledge my birthday. Maybe it was foolishness on my part, but I honestly did expect a text from Michael. It was only 2 days before my birthday that we texted about a hilarious Harry Potter shirt I saw. We’ve been on friendly-ish terms. Surely he would send me a simple text message that read “Happy Birthday”? But he didn’t. And it hurt.

Michael, at least, has an excuse-we broke up. He doesn’t owe me anything, no matter how much it means to me. Heidi, on the other hand, well . . . that hurts worse. She is supposed to be my best friend. We have talked endlessly as to how hard this birthday was going to be for me-without Michael, without her, turning 30. She knew better than anyone how I was feeling, but I got nothing from her. I don’t know why. It wasn’t until the next day, after JOE had to text her asking her why she did that to me, that she called and left me a voicemail. Basically she said that she had tried to call twice, it went straight to voicemail and she thought I would see the missed calls. Really? Who wouldn’t leave a voicemail? And she knew damn well I was flying that day, so of course it went straight to voicemail. And when my phone is off, I most certainly do NOT see missed calls. I have been struggling for days to get past my hurt and anger, but I have not been successful. If anything, it reinforces my idea that when I let people in, all they do is hurt me.

I did, however, do a pretty good job of not allowing the events of my birthday affect the rest of my weekend.

Being in New Mexico was a roller coaster of emotions. I came to a shocking realization: New Mexico is no longer “home”. Sure, the majority of my family lives there and it’s where I grew up, but it isn’t “home” anymore, Seattle is. It was a thrilling and scary thought.

I saw a lot of people-more people than I usually ever see when I slink into town. I had an awesome 11 year High School reunion with the handful of people I went to High School with that I actually care about. It was such a delight to see my OG (original Gay) Frankie. You know you have a great friendship with someone when 11 years pass, but it feels like only a few minutes. We are both older and wiser and infinitely more awesome. We had a great night of bar hopping and drag show watching. AND we saw Amanda Lepore!!! I know, so fucking cool. It was an awesome night:

After staying out until 1 AM and being cockblocked by Jesus Justin Beiber (seriously, I was thisclose to kissing a boy!), I was on the road by 7:30 am heading to Santa Fe for Grandpa Breakfast. Besides the fact that breakfast was delicious and my grandparents were hilarious, sitting at their table a huge bubble of calm enveloped me. There is so much change in my life. Constant change and, as I have mentioned many, many times, changes is ridiculously hard for me. Yet, sitting there, at my grandparents house, everything was the same. Maybe little things had changed here and there, but everything was the same as it has been my whole life and that felt amazing. I can’t even describe how awesome I felt sitting there.

The rest of the weekend was filled with my newphews and my sister and the rest of my family. Hanging out, laughing, playing cards and feeling love. I felt a lot of love. Those nephews of mine, man, they just melt my heart.

And now I am home. Home, home. I have my cats and my music. It isn’t much, but it’s working right now and that’s all I can really ask for.

Those are ABQ's famous hot air balloons

I had such an amazing music night last night. So awesome, that I couldn’t sleep all night and YET, I am still giddy today.

I went to see The Local Strangers at Tractor Tavern last night. Of course, I had previously seen them at their CD release party, but somehow, this show was EVEN BETTER than that first time. Man, oh man, Aubrey’s voice is just so rich. I can feel her reverberating in my heart when she sings. And all it takes is one look at the pure JOY on Matt’s face when he sings to feel that joy leap into you. I don’t think every artist is as happy to be there are you are, but The Local Strangers are. They played 2 new songs and I am just dying for a full length album. I am just a lifelong, die-hard fan now. It doesn’t hurt that they are as nice as can be.

I happily and surprisingly got there in time to check out the openers Gold Mountain.  Duuuudddeeee. WATCH OUT FOR THESE GUYS. What an amazing set!! Every song was so different and unique. I could not even tear myself away to go to the bathroom during their set. Heidi and I were dancing around and hugging. And, of course, (my favorite) the lyrics were poignant and fun.  My only disappointment was they had no music to sell me! No CDs or downloads. Give them a listen when you get a chance. So, so good.

Also . . . oh, you know, I got to meet and chat with Jon from The Head and The Heart!!!!!!!!!!!!! My un-wavering obsession with this band is well documented (mostly on twitter and facebook) and I contend that once you see them live you will be a fan for life (and P.S., they are about to hit the road for their first headlining tour-GO SEE THEM! Get your tixs before they sell out!). Jon walked in to Tractor Tavern just before me and I, of course, immediately  recognized him. I wanted to tackle him right then, but I did my best to restrain myself. I am overtly aware that famous people would probably just like to be able to do normal shit without crazies like me bothering them. Also, I saw no one else rushing up to him gushing, so I didn’t want to be the only idiot in the place who couldn’t keep her shit together. However, after I was so happy from listening to Gold Mountain and The Local Strangers, I could restrain myself no more. I just tapped him on the arm and word vomited all over him. Of course, he was just the sweetest and nicest and we chatted for almost 10 minutes. As we were leaving right afterward, my friend Aggie said I looked so crazily high. Which….I was.

And beyond all the musical awesomeness happening around me, I got to hang with my new friend Aggie, hang with my bestie Heidi, see my concert buddy Kristen, meet tons of new people (my people), get invited to an awesome party and just genuinely feel like my life is beyond amazing.

Heidi, Kristen, Jeni and Aggie

It’s a great feeling.

Joe was so good to me this last week. He spent hours getting caught up on the series so he wouldn’t be completely lost. And he did it just so I wouldn’t be sad. Those brothers…they are definitely good for something.

On Sunday . . . Well, on Sunday, Michael texted me. He wanted to know if I had seen the movie and if not, maybe it could be seen by two people who really cared about it and were excited to see it.

Immediately I wanted to say “Yes! Yes! YES! I want to see it with you. I want to know you are hold your breath when I am. I want to see you brace yourself the way I do when I know something sad is coming. I want to see you cheer at the end, as if this was your personal battle. The way that I did. The way that we would…”

But my brain overrode my heart. My brain said “This is how it starts. Just one little movie, what is the harm? This is what he did for 2 years to bring you back when you wanted out, all the while telling you he didn’t love you. And you think, maybe, maybe if you go, he’ll remember how much fun you always had. Maybe he’ll see your hair and remember how he loved to run his fingers through it. Maybe he’ll realize this was all a huge mistake and he’ll never find anyone that knows him like you do. That loves him like you do. But if you think that Jeni, you are wrong. He said it himself, he doesn’t love you. At some point, you have to believe him.”

So, in probably the most grown-up decision I have ever made in my whole life, I told him no.

I told him no and then I cried myself to sleep.

Kris Orlowski always knows what to say . . .

On Friday, Heidi and I went to the CD release party of The Local Strangers. Can I just say how lucky I feel to live in a city with such AMAZING local artists. If I had the time and the money, I could spend every night of the week just listening to the talent in this city. The Local Strangers are no exception. I LOVE what they have to offer (so far) and you will too. Aubrey’s voice is lush and Matt’s enthusiasm while performing can’t be beat. And, of course, watching them live was just a delight.

This is my favorite song from their EP:

Seattle Acoustic Sessions – The Local Strangers – For Fear of Losing from Jason Green on Vimeo.

 So. good.

So, besides the good tunes with a good friend, I also got to meet up with my former co-worker Quinton, who is also an up-and-coming local musician. I have not had the pleasure to make it to one of his shows yet, but from what I can see so far, I like it.

AND Heidi and I met a [potential] new friend! We chatted with her while waiting for the show to start-she is new to the area and lives and works right by us. We are going to meet up with her this week for lunch. I LOVE that!!

Of course, the fabulous night would not have been complete with a celebrity sighting-Kris Orlowskiwas at the show. I stopped him to chat. And by chat, I mean gush over him like a crazy, psycho fan. I am pretty sure he went straight from the show to the court house for a restraining order, but that’s OK, because I can always stand 20 feet from the stage. OK, maybe that’s all a Marce. Kris was really nice and even offered to send me his lyrics. Heidi and I are going to see him Thursday. Yay!

We actually stayed out until midnight, when our old age prompty caught up with us. The next morning, we went to breakfast at our favorite place, drove all over the Seattle, went back to Heidi’s house to watch chick flicks and eat the most random assortment of snacks ever created (see below).

All in all, not a bad weekend at all.

So. Besides all that, my sister and I had an AWESOME visit. Seriously, we had a great time. We spent a day lazing about and watching Charmed. We had a sibling dinner. We had serious talks and ridiculous antics. We saw a 1/4 of a concert and got lost driving to Ballard. We had our Astrological charts read (seriously, folks, Rene is AWESOME) and we visited Dale at Skin and Soul to get 3 new tattoos each:

Angelic Symbol for Truth (located on the back of my left arm, directly above the elbow)

Angelic Symbol for Honesty (located on the back of my right arm, directly above the elbow)

Dawn got an Elephant (located on her right shoulder)

This is her reminder to always address the elephant in the room and to always eat your elephant one bite at a time. I LOVE the way her elephant turned out. LOVE

Dawn also got this Sun and Moon with the initials of the boys, along with a teeny tiny puzzle piece (which is for Autism Awareness). (located on her upper, left hand shoulder blade).

We both also got a small evil eye on our left wrist (for some reason, I have no pics). A great reminder not to judge others (aka giving them the evil eye).

Honestly, it was wonderful to be out of work for 6 days in a row, surrounded by the people I love most.

Alas, now it is back to work and my busy schedule. On top, of which, I need to really buckle down and focus on my Life and Health test. I need to just get it over with because then I will be done with tests for a long, long time.

There have been some crazy things happening in my life lately. However, the story doesn’t belong to me, so it’s not my place to share the details. What I can say is this: my long lost brother is now closer to me than he has been in 7 1/2 years-both figuratively and literally.

Also? Come Sunday, all of my siblings and I will be in 1 place. It’s like a dream come true.

Dawn gets here Sunday afternoon. We have a big Monday planned too-pajamas and Charmed all day long. I know. We are pretty damn exciting.

I just have to make it through. Just 2 more, potentially, 12 hour days.

I can handle that, right?

Since we had an unfinished dresser, I thought it would be fun to take the idea and run with it. When I mentioned it to Michael, he decided we should just re-do the whole thing. When we remodeled, we never really got a chance to do the bedroom. We had 2 days to move the stuff from my apartment to the condo before we left for Hawaii. On top of that, we then had to live in the bedroom for almost 6 months. I painted the walls before we moved in and we put in new carpet, but I never finished the walls because we put in the pocket door and the carpet got destroyed by cats and electricians.

We decided to repaint the whole room and get new carpet. First, we did the dressers and they turned out awesome.

Then, we had to wait for the carpet to get here. We also had to order new comforter and curtains. [Please note: I wanted to make the bed for these pictures, but Jake refused to move]

All in all, I am loving the new bedroom. It feels so tranquil in our room now. I love walking in there. We are hoping to re-do the bathroom next (Michael has finally agreed to get rid of those blue walls!).

Actually, like only person cared about pics, but since I love her, here you go.

FYI: the concert pics look really awesome if they’re bigger, so you might want to click through.

Also, I have no idea why we took NO pictures of Heidi in our wigs and Drag Queen make-up. We just have the aftermath. No Clue.

But. . . it was kind of nice. You were outside. You were with friends. You ate at amazing restaurants. You dressed up in bad wigs and Drag Queen make-up. You walked around the most fun place in San Francisco (The Castro) and realized that you are very blessed.

So, you come home and the thought of blogging again seems daunting. Despite your record breaking twittering during your vacation, you barely have anything tweet worthy to say now. And it’s still kind of nice.

I could go on and on and tell stories from San Francisco. The thing is, I can’t do it justice. I can’t recreate our time here. I am not that good a writer. We had an amazing time. I enjoyed my friends and boyfriend throughly. I felt so lucky that I live a life in which I can pick up for 3 days in the middle of the week to fly to San Francisco to attend the Kylie Minogue concert (which was EPIC). I have a very good life.

I didn’t take pictures. I actually suck at taking pictures. It’s just not a skill I possess. Therefore, I usually let Heidi take pics and then I steal them to share with the world. Tim took pics too. As soon as I collect them, I’ll post them, because pictures say it better than I could.

What a wonderful life.

The Castro, in front of Harvey Milk's shop (see my paparazzi in the window)