This kind of high should be illegal

07 22 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

1 Poke

So . . . you know how I like music? I know, I know, I rarely mention it.

I had such an amazing music night last night. So awesome, that I couldn’t sleep all night and YET, I am still giddy today.

I went to see The Local Strangers at Tractor Tavern last night. Of course, I had previously seen them at their CD release party, but somehow, this show was EVEN BETTER than that first time. Man, oh man, Aubrey’s voice is just so rich. I can feel her reverberating in my heart when she sings. And all it takes is one look at the pure JOY on Matt’s face when he sings to feel that joy leap into you. I don’t think every artist is as happy to be there are you are, but The Local Strangers are. They played 2 new songs and I am just dying for a full length album. I am just a lifelong, die-hard fan now. It doesn’t hurt that they are as nice as can be.

I happily and surprisingly got there in time to check out the openers Gold Mountain.  Duuuudddeeee. WATCH OUT FOR THESE GUYS. What an amazing set!! Every song was so different and unique. I could not even tear myself away to go to the bathroom during their set. Heidi and I were dancing around and hugging. And, of course, (my favorite) the lyrics were poignant and fun.  My only disappointment was they had no music to sell me! No CDs or downloads. Give them a listen when you get a chance. So, so good.

Also . . . oh, you know, I got to meet and chat with Jon from The Head and The Heart!!!!!!!!!!!!! My un-wavering obsession with this band is well documented (mostly on twitter and facebook) and I contend that once you see them live you will be a fan for life (and P.S., they are about to hit the road for their first headlining tour-GO SEE THEM! Get your tixs before they sell out!). Jon walked in to Tractor Tavern just before me and I, of course, immediately  recognized him. I wanted to tackle him right then, but I did my best to restrain myself. I am overtly aware that famous people would probably just like to be able to do normal shit without crazies like me bothering them. Also, I saw no one else rushing up to him gushing, so I didn’t want to be the only idiot in the place who couldn’t keep her shit together. However, after I was so happy from listening to Gold Mountain and The Local Strangers, I could restrain myself no more. I just tapped him on the arm and word vomited all over him. Of course, he was just the sweetest and nicest and we chatted for almost 10 minutes. As we were leaving right afterward, my friend Aggie said I looked so crazily high. Which….I was.

And beyond all the musical awesomeness happening around me, I got to hang with my new friend Aggie, hang with my bestie Heidi, see my concert buddy Kristen, meet tons of new people (my people), get invited to an awesome party and just genuinely feel like my life is beyond amazing.

Heidi, Kristen, Jeni and Aggie

It’s a great feeling.

Category:

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, jenisays, music, pictures, real post

Sometimes you have to follow your head, not your heart

07 18 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

5 Pokes

My brothers went with me to Harry Potter and we had fun.

I should wear these 3D specs all the time

Joe was so good to me this last week. He spent hours getting caught up on the series so he wouldn’t be completely lost. And he did it just so I wouldn’t be sad. Those brothers…they are definitely good for something.

On Sunday . . . Well, on Sunday, Michael texted me. He wanted to know if I had seen the movie and if not, maybe it could be seen by two people who really cared about it and were excited to see it.

Immediately I wanted to say “Yes! Yes! YES! I want to see it with you. I want to know you are hold your breath when I am. I want to see you brace yourself the way I do when I know something sad is coming. I want to see you cheer at the end, as if this was your personal battle. The way that I did. The way that we would…”

But my brain overrode my heart. My brain said “This is how it starts. Just one little movie, what is the harm? This is what he did for 2 years to bring you back when you wanted out, all the while telling you he didn’t love you. And you think, maybe, maybe if you go, he’ll remember how much fun you always had. Maybe he’ll see your hair and remember how he loved to run his fingers through it. Maybe he’ll realize this was all a huge mistake and he’ll never find anyone that knows him like you do. That loves him like you do. But if you think that Jeni, you are wrong. He said it himself, he doesn’t love you. At some point, you have to believe him.”

So, in probably the most grown-up decision I have ever made in my whole life, I told him no.

I told him no and then I cried myself to sleep.

Kris Orlowski always knows what to say . . .

Category:

family, How did we get here?, music, pictures, real post, sad lou

Avada Kedavra

07 13 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

4 Pokes

I have been dreading this weekend for a long time. There are, of course, the usual reasons people are sad and/or nostalgic and I feel all those same things too, but there is something else there.

I can’t believe Michael and I won’t see the last Harry Potter together. I can’t believe we didn’t make it to the end.

Of course, that statement has double meaning, but as silly as it might sound, I never imagined not seeing this movie with him.

Michael is the reason I love Harry Potter. And I LOVE Harry Potter. He can’t fall asleep without watching it. When we first lived together, I would get sucked into the movies while trying to fall asleep. I would ask him questions and he wouldn’t know the answers, so I decided to start reading the books. The rest is history. I mean, how can you not fall in love with this series?

And it was our thing. Seeing the movies when they came out. Reading the last 2 books when they were published. Watching the movies every night as we fell asleep . . .

The thought of watching the final movie without Michael became too much to bear. I emailed him and asked if he wanted to go together. He said yes.

Then . . . well, then I had a nervous breakdown. My coworker told me he was supposed to come in to the office and meet with his advisor to sign some paperwork. I just lost it. It was so unfair. You don’t see me showing up at his work. And the reason he was coming in could be taken care of in the mail. I know Michael. When he comes in to meet with his advisor, it’s just to bullshit for 2 hours. So. I asked him to meet somewhere else. He refused. He said he could meet where ever he wanted and if it bothered me, I could take a day off. Which I ended up doing. I also canceled our Harry Potter plans.

All I wanted was to see it with someone who would be as excited about it as me. Oh well.

So I have been sad all week. Made sadder by the fact Michael told me last week that someone is moving into our the condo on August 1st.

Sometimes I go there. I wander around, looking at every beautiful detail. I think about where we were and the conversations we had to decide on the tiniest of things. We built that house with hope and love. We both brought in nothing. We built it together from scratch. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised it hurts this much.

I went to say goodbye yesterday. I was there for over 40 minutes and I could have stayed forever. I guess because I had planned to stay forever. Walking out that door was so hard I could barely breath. I don’t remember walking home. I just remember waking up on my couch when the phone rang.

And just like that, life moves on.

Category:

How did we get here?, real post, sad lou

My People

06 30 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

2 Pokes

You know that feeling? Maybe you are at a friend’s party or maybe you are at the beach in the middle of the winter (coughLSLcough). I’ve felt it at concerts and blogger gatherings where I didn’t know a soul.

These are my people.

I love that feeling. I love over hearing a conversation, jumping in and it not being weird because these strangers are my people. I love standing there in a group of strangers, listening to amazing live music and palpably feeling that they feel what I feel in that moment because they are my people. Love, love, love.

Last night, Heidi and I went to watch the X Factor auditions in Key Arena.

Um . . . none of my people were there.

Though, to be fair, there were, like, 2,500 people there. They can’t ALL be my people.

To be honest, I have never once watched even 1 minute of American Idol. Heidi mentioned some sort of show called America’s Got Talent (never heard of it) and even though my Twitter stream is filled with lovers of The Voice, I am so not interested. It’s just not my thing.

So, yes, it’s weird that I even went to this. However, a few things conspired to get me there:

1) Heidi and I try to force ourselves out of the house every chance we get or (please know I am not being a Marce when I say this) I would become a recluse. Seriously. I would LOVE to become a recluse.
2) Free tickets
3) Paula Abdul
4) Trying something new and different. If you are only ever around your people, your view of the world becomes pretty narrow.

And thus, we made a trip to the big city to watch the auditions.

So . . . it wasn’t bad. I’m glad I went. There are some talented folks out there. And actually, the bravery of people going out there onstage is awe-inspiring. I could never do that. Ever. And we got to see Paula Abdul be Paula Abdul, so that was fun. And I really liked LA Reid by the end of the never ending, no food, drinks or bathrooms night.

However, there was something . . . unsettling, at best. As I said, I’ve never watched American Idol, but I do love all things pop culture, so I DO know what the show is about and kinda how it works. I know people love the audition portion of the show because there is always some person who can’t sing at all trying out and it’s hilarious, or whatever. I don’t know. I’ve never watched it, I can’t really say how it goes, but I have heard of William Hung (who laughed all the way to the bank) and that’s kinda what it seemed like.

I get it. It’s reality TV and all that implies. Sure. I know what’s going on. But to have to sit there and watch people, people I am 100% certain they brought in just to make fun of (because I know there was some pre-auditions), give their all, just to be snickered at by 2,500 people and then turned away? Brutal. Honestly, I left there feeling kind of sick (and not just from starvation). I feel like they did this for at least 3 of the auditions I saw.

It made me really kind of sad. That America’s idea of entertainment is, basically, making fun of people. I know that that isn’t 100% what those shows are about. It may not even be 5% of what those shows are about, but it DOES happen on those shows and I am now certain it happens on purpose. For entertainment.

I’m not trying to get all preachy. I can have a good laugh at the ridiculous just as much as the next gal, but to see those people, in person, so earnest and sincere doing something I could never imagine having the balls to do, just to be laughed at . . . brutal.

Time to spend the weekend with my people.

Category:

jenisays, music, real post, sad lou

Looking for something . . .

06 17 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

3 Pokes

 I have no discernible musical talent. I can’t play an instrument. I don’t write lyrics. Don’t ask me to sing for you unless you want your ears to bleed.  My only musical talent (if you can call it that) is my impeccable taste in music and the fact that I probably know the [correct] lyrics to hundreds of songs. So . . . none.

And yet . . . and yet I LOVE music. It gets inside of me. I feel it in my bones. It wriggles my toes and caresses my soul. Listening to live music is a religion for me. Watching the artist give their all on stage, feeling the energy as a group of people fall in love, have their hearts broken and move their feet with happiness-I have found nothing in the world like it. And I have done a lot of drugs and had a lot of sex in my day. Nothing compares.

Last night, I got to see Kris Orlowski (seriously, have you bought his music yet? Run, don’t walk) play at Tree House Point. First, let me say, that Tree House Point is AWESOME. We got to scope out one of the Tree Houses and it was so fun. I was a tad scared, since I am scared of heights, but I did have fun climbing the ladder. Everything about the site was delightful-if you ever get a chance to stay there or see a show, you really should. Kris’ show was so intimate and small. I love that.

And Kris himself-what can I say? I danced, I cried, I smiled, I laughed-I had a great, great night. His bassist, Scott, reminded me of Mr. Darcy, his drummer, Tim, was damn cute and Andrew Joslyn on violin-well, Heidi and I were mesmerized by him. All together, they put on a show to rival any other concert I might consider my all-time favorite show.

I was literally high when I got home last night-high on music and good people. But, as I lay restless in bed, I started to feel sad. I felt sad because I want more. I want more music, more often. I want to live in it. I want to go to a show every night of the week. I want to sit in someones living room and watch them create magic. I want to go on a tour with a band I love. I want  . . .  something different. But I have no clue what that means. Maybe I mentioned I have no musical talent . . .

I don’t necessarily hate my job-I am really good at my job. But the only music at my job is coming from my iPod. And I want more.

I just am not sure what that means. I am not sure what it can mean.

Category:

How did we get here?, music, real post

Music soothes my soul

06 13 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

2 Pokes

Ah. What a good weekend it was.

On Friday, Heidi and I went to the CD release party of The Local Strangers. Can I just say how lucky I feel to live in a city with such AMAZING local artists. If I had the time and the money, I could spend every night of the week just listening to the talent in this city. The Local Strangers are no exception. I LOVE what they have to offer (so far) and you will too. Aubrey’s voice is lush and Matt’s enthusiasm while performing can’t be beat. And, of course, watching them live was just a delight.

This is my favorite song from their EP:

Seattle Acoustic Sessions – The Local Strangers – For Fear of Losing from Jason Green on Vimeo.

 So. good.

So, besides the good tunes with a good friend, I also got to meet up with my former co-worker Quinton, who is also an up-and-coming local musician. I have not had the pleasure to make it to one of his shows yet, but from what I can see so far, I like it.

AND Heidi and I met a [potential] new friend! We chatted with her while waiting for the show to start-she is new to the area and lives and works right by us. We are going to meet up with her this week for lunch. I LOVE that!!

Of course, the fabulous night would not have been complete with a celebrity sighting-Kris Orlowskiwas at the show. I stopped him to chat. And by chat, I mean gush over him like a crazy, psycho fan. I am pretty sure he went straight from the show to the court house for a restraining order, but that’s OK, because I can always stand 20 feet from the stage. OK, maybe that’s all a Marce. Kris was really nice and even offered to send me his lyrics. Heidi and I are going to see him Thursday. Yay!

We actually stayed out until midnight, when our old age prompty caught up with us. The next morning, we went to breakfast at our favorite place, drove all over the Seattle, went back to Heidi’s house to watch chick flicks and eat the most random assortment of snacks ever created (see below).

All in all, not a bad weekend at all.

Category:

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, jenisays, music, pictures, real post

Is it tired in here or is it just me?

06 09 11'

Written by Jeni Angel

3 Pokes

I am exhuasted. My life is exhausting. I have gotten to the point where I have seriously considered checking myself into a mental health facility just for a break.

The worst part of it is, it’s my family that’s hurting me the most. I always thought I was a good sister. I thought that I showed up for them when they needed me to. I have fought their fights like they were my own. I have cried their tears like they were my heart breaks.

Of course, that’s not to say I haven’t made mistakes. Of course I have. I have made a ton of mistakes. And I have tried so hard to learn from them. I have tired to step back from their lives and let them make their own choices, I have tried to be less controlling and take things less personally. I haven’t always been successful, but I have tried.

Up until the break-up, things had been relatively good for me. The main problem I have had in the last 4 years was Joe not talking to me and both Ed and Dawn put in their time listening to me die over and over again over  it. Other than that, though, my problems have been small ones. Nothing too big. Until the break-up.

And the break-up through me into disarray. I don’t know myself. I don’t know my life. I feel like I have lost 7 years because of my stubborn stupidity and I don’t know how to get over it. I don’t want to get over him. The funny thing is, these last 2 weeks, it’s HIM who has been there for me. He has listened to me. Not that we are getting back together or anything, but he was (maybe is) my best friend and I still find comfort in him.

I feel like none of my siblings have really been there for me. Sure, Joe has physically been here. It’s not the same thing. Every time I turn around one of them is causing me more problems and more heartache. And the worst part is, they don’t seem to care. It’s like I am just supposed to let them hurt me over and over and then instantly forgive them when they say sorry. I don’t know, maybe I am.

Is it so much to ask that they hold me up? That they realize that now it’s ME who needs THEM? That I can barely handle my own life and they are just hurting me more and more. Because right now? Right now it seems like it IS too much to ask. Maybe it always was too much to ask.

From the awesome, Stuff No One Told Me (but I learned anyway)

Every day I think to myself: I just need to stop caring so much about them and their life. That their problems aren’t my problems. But I don’t know how. I just don’t know how.

_____________________________________________________________________

This is my theme song right now.

If you don’t know Kris Orlowski, you should. His music is on constant loop right now, giving me something to cling to.

Category:

disasters, family, How did we get here?, music, real post, sad lou, TNT