So, allegedly, according to Sizzle, it’s National Poetry Month. I have to say, poetry has never been my thing. There have been poems here and there that have spoken to my soul, but for the most part, I like my poetry set to music.I have occasionally tried my hand at Poetry and I have to admit that ever time I have, it has come out naturally, organically. It was never forced, but those times have been rare.

So, as I find places for my movies and clothes and books in my new home, I came across Jewel‘s book a night without armor. The only book of poems I ever loved. I obsessed over this book. The pages are tabbed and written all over. Long, angsty feelings from about the ages of 17 to about 22. A time when slept with guys that I could never have, hating myself all the while. Married guys, too old guys, guys with pregnant girlfriends. Oh how I tried to keep people at arm’s length-in such a self-destructive way. I hated myself, but I was so, so afraid of letting anyone too close to me. An ugly time in my life.

It makes me feel sad that I am not sure I have come very far in a little over 10 years. It makes me see how much work I have-to overcome this break-up; to overcome myself.

In any case, here are my favorite Jewel poems from that book:

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You Tell Me

It cannot be so
you say
simple hands
cannot change
the fate of humanity.
I say
Humanity is
a boundless,
absorbing heart
transcending
death & generations
and centuries
absorbing bullets
and stitches
and tear gas
enduring humiliation
and illegal abortions
and thankless jobs
I say to you
the heart of Humanity
has not
and will not
be broken
And let us raise ourselves
like lanterns
with the millions of others-
with the mad
and the forgotten
and the strong of heart
to shine

______________________________________________________________

Too Many Nights

It’s been
too many nights
of being with

to now be suddenly
without

______________________________________________________________

Saved from Myself

How often I’ve cried out
in silent tongue
to be saved
from myself

in the middle of the night
too afraid
to move

horrified the answer
may be beyond the
capability of my
own two hands

so small

(no one should feel this alone)

______________________________________________________________

Parking Lot

It was the way
my thigh felt against
the cool car hood
that made me
like you so

And it was the way
a risk can run down
a spine that made
my blood race
as a few bleary eyes
stumbled to their cars
unaware

And it was the way
you took me with such
strength and stretched
me between the
moon and a Chevrolet
that made me
crave you so

______________________________________________________________

We Have Been Called

We have been called
naive
as if it were
a dirty word
We have been called
innocent
as though with shame
our cheeks should burn
So
We visited with
the careful idols
of cynicism
to learn to sneer
and pant and walk
so as not to feel the scales
of judgment rub wrongly
But we say
some things must
remain simple
some things must remain
untouched
and pure
lest we all forget
the legacy which begot us
the health of our origins
the poetry of our fundamental selves

And so
it is to
the longing hearts we sing
rise! spread
your wings!
Let no hand
nor ill will
keep you.

______________________________________________________________

Infatuation

infatuation is a strange thing
a bony creature thin
with feeding on itself

it is addicted not to its subject
but to its own vain hunger
and needs but a pretty face
to fuel its rampant imagination
humid couch
and sweaty palms
fleshy carpets
ablaze with conquest
but when conquering is complete
the blood leaves its limbs
and it becomes disenchanted
(to the point of disgust)
with its subject
who sits then like a hollow trunk
emptied of its precious cargo
and left to fade
a seed relieved
of its transparent husk
to dissolve, finally
on a rough
and impatient
tongue

______________________________________________________________

The Things You Fear

The things you fear
are undefeatable
not by their nature
but by your approach

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Sorry about that . . . . I think I got carried away.